The Wealth of a Full House

The Wealth of a Full House

Self(less) Love

Proverbs 17:6; 22:15; 4:23; 3:11-12: 1:8-9

The Text

Proverbs 17:6

Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,

and the glory of children is their fathers.

Proverbs 22:15

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 4:23

Keep your heart with all vigilance,

for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 3:11-12

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline

or be weary of his reproof,

for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,

as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 1:8-9

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

Introduction:

Throughout this series we’ve said, “We need wisdom, especially as it concerns our relationships.” That’s why we’re in Proverbs, and we subtitled the series “The Biblical Family in an Age of Individuals.”

Each week we’ve attempted to explode the modern myths of marriage, intimacy, and today about children.

Because we’re so individualistic as a society, we no longer see children as the natural outcome of marriage. Children are viewed more as accessories one might add to the identity and purpose they are creating for themselves. Children are no longer foundational to the house, they are like trim you might add later.

I could summarize our cultures anxiety concerning children like this:

First, we’re afraid to have children. They’re more responsibility than we’re ready for. They’re too expensive. They may even be bad for the climate.

Second, many who have children, are simply overwhelmed or confused by the responsibility of parenting. We aren’t sure what our role is as parents or which of the various parenting approaches is best.

So, this morning, we look to Proverbs to supply answers and encouragement to those two anxieties.

And here’s what the book teaches us:

1. What Children Are: A Crown
2. What Children Need: Discipline
3. Why They Need It: Folly in the Heart
4. When Discipline Harms: Law Apart from Grace
5. How Discipline Can Heal: Law & Gospel Together

1. What Children Are: A Crown

Proverbs 17:6 says, “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.”

In other words, God would have us view children as wealth. Healthy, multigenerational family relationships are meant to bring honor, joy, and lasting legacy.

When we think of the crown, we typically think of kingly dominion. The king puts on the crown to rule. And of course that’s true, but in the ancient world, the crown signified the king’s joy. You see, the king wears the crown after he comes home from war victorious and it’s time to celebrate. In battle, the king wears a helmet. But the crown comes out for the victory festival.

The crown is honor and achievement made visible.

Solomon is saying, “When children grow in wisdom and character, guided by their parents, and then show they can do the same with their own children,” their own parenting becomes a visible testimony to their parents.

Church, listen to me: parenting isn’t easy. I’ll not stand here and say that it is. Abd we’ll talk about why it’s difficult in a moment…but it’s worth it.

This is why we invest so heavily in children’s ministry here at Lake Wylie Baptist. Kids in the room: we love you. We love that you are here. We care about you. We want you to know Jesus and to make him known with your life. We want you to love Jesus with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength so that one day when you are as old as all of us, and you’re having your own children, you’ll teach in Sunday School classes and volunteer at VBS, and hold babies in the nursery.

Outside of the gift of his only Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, there is no greater gift God can give us in this life than children. They are our crown.

2. What Children Need: Discipline

Proverbs 22:15 says:

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

I want to focus only on the word “discipline” for a few moments. We’ll come back to the rest of the verse later.

It’s important to understand that in the Bible, discipline is a positive word. It’s not a negative word. It’s also important to see that it’s a word that collects many different ideas together. When we hear it we may initially think about corporal punishment, but in the Bible discipline is not synonymous with punishment.

So, you can have a passage that uses the word discipline to mean giving instruction. A child needs to learn how to sit in church. How to stand. How to sit. How to sing. How to pray. How to listen.

I can remember when my own children first began sitting in worship service with us when they left the nursery. I was terrified at how they might act. Why? Because they’re kids! They just got here.

So we disciplined them. We instructed them. When they were really little, on Saturday night, I would have them all sit down on the couch. I would sit in front of them and we would practice church for 10 minutes. We’d sit. We’d stand. We’d sing. We’d pray. We did all of that so that Sunday they would be prepared to meet the expectation. That’s discipline. Instructing them.

Other times, discipline means imparting wisdom: sharing stories from your own life to impart guidance for them. Telling them the mistakes you made so they don’t make them as well.

Discipline also means establishing and enforcing rules in the home. Let me get very practical here. This is my crash course on rules.

Establish as few rules as you can. Kids can’t keep up with 25 rules and neither can you. Keep the rules simple. In our home we basically had the following rules:

1. Obey Mom and Dad

2. No Lying
3. No Hitting You Siblings.

Have a few, short, simple rules that the kids are ultra clear on, then enforce them. Be consistent. You must be consistent.

Discipline can also mean correcting errant behavior, which includes punishment.

Bottom line: children need discipline: instruction, wisdom and even corrective punishment.

3. Why They Need It: Folly in the Heart

Proverbs 22:15 says:

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Put simply: foolishness and sinful rebellion are not superficial; they are deeply rooted realities.

Proverbs 4:23 says

Keep your heart with all vigilance,

for from it flow the springs of life.

Let me give you a little theology here. The Bible teaches that we are all sinners; which means we all have hearts which are inclined toward evil.

When our first father, Adam, sinned in the Garden of Eden, he passed on his guilt and his corrupted nature to us.

Romans 5:12-19 says that through Adam’s one act of disobedience, all humanity sinned. Therefore we are all born legally guilty before God—not just because of our own sin, but because Adam represented the entire human race.

In addition to Adam’s guilt, we all inherited Adam’s corrupted, or fallen nature. We are born with a heart inclined toward sin and folly. And that corrupt nature affects every part of our being—mind, will, emotions, desires. That’s what we mean by total depravity. The depravity of sin has touched every part of our nature. We are spiritually dead and unable to seek God or do spiritual good apart from grace.

That’s why Proverbs says, “Folly is bound up in the heat of a child.” No one is born morally neutral; we are born sinners by nature.

Now, listen carefully because this is easy to miss. We tend to divide kids into two groups: good kids who obey and bad kids who rebel.

But the Bible says something far more honest and sobering — we’re all rebels. There are rebels who break the rules—the obviously defiant and wild. But there are also rebels who keep the rules. They obey outwardly, but their hearts are still in rebellion against God. They keep the rules to prove they’re better than others, to earn love, or to control their own lives.

Think of the Pharisees in the NT. They were the ultimate rule keepers—they never broke the Sabbath, they tithed, they appeared good on the outside—but Jesus said they were white-washed tombs. Clean on the outside, but full of dead men’s bones. They were rebels in religious clothing.

And the same thing happens in our homes. Imagine two sons. One steals money from your wallet. The other never steals, but he obeys only so you’ll brag about him and give him what he wants. Which one is more dangerous to the relationship in the long run?

Now listen—sinful rebellion in children is like a heart disease. Some people have obvious symptoms. Others look healthy, but have a deadly blockage on the inside. But both need the same doctor.

And this is why discipline is necessary from an early age.  Because, we’re all born rebels. We’re either rebels who flaunt the rules, or we’re rebels who use the rules to control and manipulate.

4. When Discipline Harms: Law Apart from Grace

Stick with me for a few more minutes of theology, ok?

God has given us his unchanging moral law: the Ten Commandments. And the moral law is good. The moral law still applies to us. We are all to obey the Ten Commandments.

So, let me say right now: God expects parents to teach the Ten Commandments to their children and expect and train for obedience. That’s the standard.

And if you do that, the first thing you’ll realize is that your children will break every one of the commandments, some of them many times a day.

They will idolize sports, or video games, or popularity so much that God becomes secondary.

They will worship images of celebrities, or YouTubers. They may even make a golden calf out of Legos to bow down to.

They will take the Lord’s name in vain, beg you to skip church on the Sabbath, talk back to their parents, struggle with hatred toward their siblings or teachers, take credit for someone else’s work at school, lie to cover sin, and constantly desire the house, clothes, or parents that God has given others.

And, if you are a loving parent, who stays consistent in your rules enforcement you WILL hit a wall with every single child when you say, “Nothing I do is working with them. I cannot make the obey. I can’t make them love the truth. I can’t force them to love God.”

In other words, you’ll realize that while the Law of God is always good—it has no power to transform their heart.

Listen to this – discipline becomes harmful when it’s applied as cold law without any grace, love or delight. Parenting isn’t easy, and we are sinners too, and therefore we can fall into disciplining our children primarily out of sinful anger or pride.

When we discipline out of sinful anger, we’re harsh and demeaning. We’ve all seen parents who try to get correct behavior through embarrassment or screaming. We deliver lectures rather than instruction. We lose control of our own emotions and say words designed to wound.

When we discipline out of pride, we care more about how people perceive us as parents rather than we love out child. We push for unrealistic performance at school or sports so we can brag to our friends. When our children disobey we become cold and distant to teach them a lesson.

Don’t miss this – discipline is meant to drive out folly—not drive out your child. There is a real danger to us, as Christians, to desire the appearance of being a good parent in front of all our church friends – to love the approval of others more than we love God himself. To desire the praise of men upon our parenting, rather than the approval that can only come by grace through faith in Christ.

The Law of God is good. We are to teach it to our children. We are to discipline them. But as we do this we must always remember that the Law has no power to transform the heart.

5. How Discipline Can Heal: Law & Gospel Together

Proverbs 3:11-12

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline

or be weary of his reproof,

for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,

as a father the son in whom he delights.

This Proverb says there is a way to discipline, to correct, to reprove your child, that actually delights in him. It’s not harsh. It’s not spirit crushing.

And let me just tell you what it is: law & gospel together. As you teach and uphold rules in your home, and as your children inevitably break them, you are to remind them of the gospel of grace.

• The law sets clear, loving boundaries and calls sin what it is.

• The gospel reminds the child that they are deeply loved even though they fail, because Jesus kept the law in perfectly in their place and died for every time they broke it.

And when you combine both the law and the gospel in your home, discipline can actually heal.

Dear parents – your children don’t need you to be perfect. They need to be shown a perfect Savior.

You will fail them. You will lose your temper. You will discipline them poorly at times. You will model the wrong thing more than you wish. But the goal of parenting is not to present yourself or even your rules as the answer. You are to point to the one who is—the sinless Son of God, who came for them; the loving heavenly Father who sent him, and the Spirit who leads them to trust in Christ.

Every time you correct your child, yo uahve a beautiful opportunity to say, “We both fail. We both have sin in our hearts. But Jesus never failed. He lived the perfect life we never could have lived, and he died for every time we sinned. Our heavenly Father will ALWAYS forgive us. He will ALWAYS WELCOME US, because at the cross he punished his Son in our place.”

CONCLUSION

Church – the wealth of a full house is not found in a quiet, tidy, child-free life. It’s found in the messy, loud, costly, beautiful work of pouring yourself into the next generation—and watching God turn rebels into worshippers.

Children are not accessories—they are a crown. They are not a burden—they are a legacy worth the investment. Yes, the come with folly bound up in the heart—just like us, but that is why they need us, and why we all need the gospel of grace.

Embrace the high calling of raising children in truth and grace. Discipline them in love. Point them to Jesus—and their heavenly Father who delights in them.